So, I've been a wife now for almost 11 years and spent enough of that time lamenting my own foolish decisions that I know that I simply cannot be alone.
The reality is that no matter how much we strive to be an amazing, God-fearing, prophetic, Proverbs 31, childbearing, disciple rearing, career woman, entrepreneur, church serving, Bible study teaching, lovemaking machine, it's just not always...right.
I wish I could think of another word right now, but Mommy brain just kicked in.
Right - I'm back.
So it's just not reality, is it? Most of us struggle from day to day feeling more and more unsure as the clock steadily daunts us and ticks towards noon. If you stay at home, you wonder if you should be working. If you work, then you wonder if your kids are being abused at the in-home day care. Out with the husband? Checking your phone too often and missing all the good parts of the pre-dinner movie. Making hard choices? Well, then you just know that every other woman on social media has got it handled and you are just a sad little puddle of a mess inside. No one else - only you.
Yep - that's a lie from the enemy.
This week has been one of those weeks for me. I'm tired. I could tell you all the things that plague me. I could un-edit this piece and invite you into my inner madness, but the reality is that you already have your own version and you need to know WHAT. TO. DO.
I hate to disappoint you, but I have no answers.
What I really want to fix it is that Haagen Daaz ice cream in the freezer, but that's surely not going to do the trick. So, what is? What will? What can breathe life into the empty soul haunted by cyclical feelings of inability and the hard fought daily race of AM I ENOUGH?
There is no way that my soul could stand up under the enormous pressures that wage battle against it every single moment of every single day without the ability to run swiftly under the Rock that is higher than I. His love warms me and His breath refreshes me. His arms hold me close and I lose myself in the all-encompassing compassion that is Him alone.
I relish in His word and I lavish in His presence. There is no greater God and no more pleasant a place. No deeper, unrelenting, all-consuming joy than to simply dwell with Him.
In this insane world of expectations - most of which we irreverently placed upon our own heads, we cannot be free of anything less we surrender completely.
Is your soul tired? Let it be so. Is your heart heavy? Let it be so! Is your flesh stretched and exhausted and at a place that seems like it's final end? Where one more touch, one more need, one more demand, one more failure, one more anything may send you into the unthinkable that you would never utter? Let. It. BE!
As fast as your fatigued limbs will allow take it to Him. Don't you look to the left or to the right. Don't you think about anything that would placate the necessity of His presence? Don't you even think about letting this load stay on your weary back while you sleep. Don't you think (again) that this will pass. Or that you'll simply "get over it." No, my friend. Run directly and with a purposed expectancy to the only balm that has already saved your soul and is deeply vested in saving your sanity. Trust me. He cares deeply about it all.
Superwoman you are not, but a good Father He is.
This may not be the answer that you wanted, but it's the only real place to start. What are you waiting for? I'll race you there.